Meet Maya: The New Writer at Healthy Self
So apparently I’m a writer now.
I know. I have questions too.
.Life hired me to write for Healthy Self, which means somebody looked at me and thought, Yes. Her. Give her a keyboard.
I’m still deciding whether that was a good idea.
But here I am.
My job is to write about the things people actually live through: stress, emotions, relationships, identity, coping, change, family, decisions, starting over, messing up, trying again, and all the things that happen in between.
The funny thing is, I don’t think I know how to start with the research.
I start with the story.
Before the Research, There Is Usually a Story
Before somebody says they’re overwhelmed, there was probably a lot going on.
Before somebody admits they’re angry, something may have been building for a while.
Before somebody decides they need a change, they may have spent months—or years—trying to convince themselves that everything is fine.
Sometimes you don’t realize you’re overwhelmed until you’re sitting in your driveway with the car running and you’ve been parked for twenty-three minutes.
Sometimes you think you’re angry at your husband when you’re actually angry at the last five years.
Sometimes you take a shower because you need to get clean.
And sometimes you take a shower because you need five damn minutes where nobody can ask you for anything.
That’s the stuff I’m interested in.
Not just what happened.
What was happening underneath it?
A Note From Maya
.Life hired me.
She is the founder behind Healthy Self and Rejuvenation Self Care.
She also believes something I have been thinking about a lot lately:
Life is the master teacher.
At first, I thought that sounded like something somebody puts on a wall.
Then I started thinking about my own life.
The lessons haven’t exactly arrived in neat little packages.
- Some came through people.
- Some came through mistakes.
- Some came through consequences.
- Some came through losing things I thought I needed.
- Some came through getting exactly what I thought I wanted and realizing I still wasn’t satisfied.
And some lessons apparently require you to make the same mistake three times before you finally pay attention.
I’m not saying I recommend that method.
I’m just saying I’ve had experience with it.
.Life’s platform gives those experiences somewhere to go.
Healthy Self is where we can slow them down enough to understand them.
And apparently, my job is to tell the stories.
So Who Is Maya?
I’m in my forties.
I’m a wife.
I’m a mother.
I work part-time at a museum, where I specialize in African diaspora history and material culture.
I spend part of my week around photographs, letters, clothing, jewelry, household objects, and other pieces of history that tell stories about people, families, migration, identity, faith, and the lives people carried with them.
It has taught me something:
People leave pieces of themselves everywhere.
Sometimes you just have to know what you’re looking at.
And now I work for Healthy Self too.
So, technically, I have two jobs.
One puts me around the stories people left behind.
The other gives me a place to tell stories about the lives people are living right now.
I kind of like that.
The museum gives me history.
Healthy Self gives me a keyboard.
And somewhere between the two, I keep meeting people.
People carrying things.
People looking for answers.
People arguing over things they swear aren’t about what they’re actually about.
People discovering something about their family they didn’t know.
People standing in front of an old photograph and suddenly remembering somebody they haven’t thought about in twenty years.
Those are the stories I’m interested in.
And sometimes, I take one of those stories home with me.
Somehow between the two jobs, a husband, five children, family, friends, responsibilities, and all the other things that come with being a woman in her forties, I still occasionally find myself wondering what the hell comes next.
I have five children, which means there is almost always somebody looking for something I have no idea where I put.
I have a husband who knows me well enough to recognize certain silences.
I have friends who know which version of “I’m fine” means I’m actually fine and which version means leave me alone before I say something unnecessary.
I have opinions.
A lot of them.
Some are even correct.
I have made good decisions.
I have made terrible decisions.
I have given excellent advice that I immediately failed to follow myself.
I have prayed.
I have cussed.
I have done both within the same hour.
I have started over more than once.
And I am still figuring some things out.
The Part People Don’t Always See
From the outside, a person can look like they have everything together.
House.
Family.
Career history.
Nice clothes.
A decent car.
A refrigerator full of food.
Bills getting paid.
People assuming you know what you’re doing.
And still be sitting somewhere wondering:
What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?
That’s where I am.
Not falling apart.
Not exactly thriving either.
Just somewhere in the middle.
I know how to survive.
I know how to handle chaos.
I know how to read a room.
I know how to take care of people.
I know how to figure things out when nobody else knows what to do.
What I’m learning now is something different.
How do you build a life when you’re no longer just trying to survive the one you already have?
I don’t have a polished answer for that.
That’s probably why I’m writing.
What You’ll Find Here
I’m going to tell stories.
Some will be serious.
Some will be funny.
Some will make me look smart.
Some will make me look like I should have known better.
There may be family drama.
There will probably be arguments.
There will definitely be opinions.
There may be bad decisions.
There will be moments where I understand exactly what is happening.
And there will be plenty of moments where I absolutely do not.
You’ll see me at the museum.
You’ll meet some of the people I encounter there.
You’ll hear about the things they tell me.
You’ll see me thinking about those stories long after the person has left.
You’ll see me in my car.
You’ll see me talking.
You’ll see me changing my mind.
You’ll see conversations that should probably have stayed private.
You’ll see things I probably shouldn’t have said.
You’ll see what happens after the thing happens, when everybody has gone home and you’re finally alone with your own thoughts.
Because that’s usually when the truth gets interesting.
Maya’s Journal
This is where the story starts.
The journal is fictional.
So am I.
The people you’ll meet are fictional too.
The situations are fictional.
But the experiences we’re exploring are very real ones.
People get overwhelmed.
People fall in love.
People fall out of love.
People make mistakes.
People change.
People don’t change.
People carry things from childhood into adulthood without realizing they’re still carrying them.
People take care of everybody else and then wonder why they’re exhausted.
People reach a certain age and suddenly realize they don’t recognize the life they built.
People can be deeply grateful and deeply frustrated at the same time.
Human beings are complicated like that.
So that’s what we’re going to explore.
Not perfect people.
People.
The Story Comes First
One of the things I like about writing for Healthy Self is that I don’t have to pretend life happens in bullet points.
It doesn’t.
Something happens.
You react.
Then you think about it.
Then you overthink it.
Then you call your friend.
Then your friend tells you something you don’t want to hear.
Then you get mad at your friend.
Then you realize your friend was right.
Then you sit in the car.
Then you pray.
Then you cry.
Then you laugh because somehow the whole thing has become ridiculous.
Then you go inside and make dinner.
That’s life.
The research can help us understand what is happening underneath those moments.
Stress responses.
Emotional patterns.
Coping behaviors.
Relationships.
Identity.
Attachment.
Grief.
Change.
Resilience.
Burnout.
Boundaries.
Decision-making.
All of those things matter.
But sometimes you need to see the person living through the moment before you can understand what is happening underneath it.
That’s where I come in.
After the Story
Healthy Self may follow some of my stories with evidence-based articles that take a closer look at what was happening underneath the surface.
The story might be about an argument.
The follow-up might explore conflict, emotional regulation, communication, or stress.
The story might be about feeling stuck.
The follow-up might explore change, identity, motivation, or decision-making.
The story might be about taking care of everyone except yourself.
The follow-up might explore boundaries, stress, caregiving, or emotional exhaustion.
I’m not the expert sitting at the desk explaining everything.
I’m the woman in the middle of the situation.
Maya tells the story.
Healthy Self looks deeper.
And somewhere between the two, maybe we understand ourselves a little better.
Sometimes You Have to Get Still
There are things you can only hear when everything gets quiet.
That’s one reason I love the bathroom.
Door locked.
Water running.
Nobody asking where something is.
Nobody yelling my name from another room.
Just me.
My thoughts.
My body.
Five minutes that somehow feel like thirty seconds.
Sometimes taking care of yourself physically gives your mind enough room to catch up.
Other times, you need to move.
Get in the car.
Turn the music up.
Drive.
Think.
Cry.
Pray.
Call somebody.
Leave the driveway before you talk yourself out of it.
Sometimes you have to get still to figure out where you’re going.
Sometimes you have to go somewhere to figure out what you’re feeling.
I’m learning both.
And Yes, There Will Be Research
Healthy Self isn’t here to turn every experience into a motivational speech.
Neither am I.
Some things are complicated.
Some things don’t have quick answers.
Some experiences need professional help.
Some need a conversation.
Some need a boundary.
Some need an apology.
Some need you to admit you were wrong.
Some need you to stop explaining yourself.
And some things just need time.
When the research is relevant, Healthy Self will bring it in.
When the story is enough, we’ll let the story breathe.
Because understanding yourself isn’t always about finding a perfect answer.
Sometimes it’s about noticing the question you keep avoiding.
One More Thing
I’m not here because I have life figured out.
Clearly.
I’m here because I’m living it.
And maybe that’s enough.
So you’re going to see the good decisions and the bad ones.
The thoughtful moments and the petty ones.
The things I understand immediately and the things I have to learn the hard way.
You’re going to meet the people around me eventually.
My family.
My friends.
The people who love me.
The people who irritate me.
Probably some people who manage to do both.
And as the stories continue, you’ll get to know them too.
For now, though, it’s just me.
A woman in her forties trying to figure out what comes next.
A part-time museum worker.
A new Healthy Self writer.
A woman with two jobs and a lot of stories.
And apparently, a deadline.
A Note About Maya
Maya is a fictional character.
The stories in this series are fictional, and the people and situations are created for Healthy Self.
The experiences explored through the stories reflect real human experiences, including stress, relationships, identity, coping, change, family, conflict, uncertainty, and growth.
Healthy Self may follow individual stories with evidence-based articles that explore the psychological, emotional, social, or behavioral experiences represented in them.
The stories are fictional.
The human experience is not.
